Hi, Friend! How was your Valentines? …I so hope that it was filled with LOVE! And… by the way, inspired by the past holiday I want to talk to you today about the… beauty of true love! 🙂 OK, I know! This post isn’t something that you’ve been reading on this site! …Not yet, anyway. But let me tell you why I think that it is very much appropriate: it’s because the TRUE LOVE is BEAUTIFUL! And Healthy! And… well, you guessed it, it is Sweet! 🙂
But… What is TRUE LOVE?
Is it a dude with a bouquet of roses? 🙂 Is it something that this dude (or a girl – for my male audience, or… a child – for those of you who’ve experienced the joys and the heartbreaks of parenthood) has sworn to feel for you for ever-and-ever-and-ever? 🙂 Let me see… NO!But I am not here to tell you that the dude (or… insert your subject here:) ) with the flowers (or even without the flowers) isn’t worth it!
What I am about to share with you is my experience of setting myself FREE from the anxiety of wondering about what someone’s feeling for you! And let me know – I can totally relate to anyone anxious or heartbroken. Consider it coming from a pro of getting over some heartbreaks!
But, yes! It IS possible to stop being anxious to only experience the Beautiful part of love! I bet you’re all anxious to know what makes this magic? OK, then! Here it is:
Forget about expecting ANYTHING from ANYONE you love or care for! …Anyone who you want to feel something or do certain things for you (i.e. to stay, to propose, or… whatever it is that you’re anxious about in this relationship)! Forget even about THINKING what the heck they’re feeling (about you). Forget it!
I know that it sounds crazy! But let me just make the point here… Taking all these expectations away will help you actually… KEEP these relationship! FOREVER! Seriously!
And here’s why:
- Because instead of someone’s moods/preferences/… ruling the relationships, now YOU, and only YOU are in control! Because no matter what someone feels for you – what really matters is what YOU feel in your heart! And not just that…
- It’s what the TRUE LOVE is all about: it’s not about getting. It’s about… GIVING! You can ALWAYS give to someone you love. And I’m not talking about giving them your innocence/money/integrity/sanity. NO! Why? Because it’s NOT what that special person needs! Instead… give them what THEY truly need: the understanding, the care, the support. Your love, independent from anything that’s happening in the world. Independent from what he does. Because it’s YOURS! And only yours to do whatever you want to do with it!
When you take all that dependency out of any relationships and begin DOING what YOU CHOOSE to do FOR these relationships – that’s when you gain control! And it’s being out of CONTROL what really makes us anxious!
… And then… guess what? Now that there’s NOTHING in that person behavior that can affect what you DO about these relationships… When they sense it – that’s when they’ll want to be with you! Forever! Because they know: you won’t be asking anything from them. They can do anything to hurt you. You’ll be feeling what you’re feeling until… Well… YOU may actually change your mind about how you feel about this relationships altogether! (Let me note here, though, I’m only talking about that actual dude (or a lady for my male audience.) I am not talking about the parental love. Because (and it’s just me personally) there’s NOTHING in this world that can make me stop loving my children. Nothing!
But aside from that the parental love isn’t very much different from the romantic love that we feel for our partner. Because your child is a separate from you human being. You CANNOT FULLY CONTROL their lives! Yes, it’s very difficult to accept! And (my personal source of anxiety and my postpartum depression that was wasn’t pretty or healthy…) – what happens to them. They are NOT a savings account in a bank where when you put the money on it – you can be 99.9% certain that they’ll stay there and grow. For me it was (and still is) the scary part of being a parent. Because being a parent is about the TRUE LOVE. The one that’s free of any expectations. The unconditional thing. That you can still enjoy. Because…
Yes! You can be IN CONTROL!